I did not make up
this joke.
A guy walks up to a
boloney sandwich truck and says, “I'd like to order a boloney
sandwich shaped like it's got a bite taken out of it.”
The vendor says,
“Yeah, shaped like it's got
a bite taken out of it.” Wink. Wink.
“That's
what I said, shaped like it's got a bite taken out of it.”
“Right,
shaped like it's got a
bite taken out of it.” Wink. Wink.
It
goes on like that. I told this joke to my kids a few times and
probably even showed them the cartoon somewhere on
homestarrunner.com, and then one day it stopped being stupid for the
sake of stupid and started being AWESOME.
Sometimes
when you're a mom, things happen at the dinner table... unspeakable
things. Things no one wants to know. Things you wouldn't rehearse
to another human being simply because reliving the horror would be
like letting your tiny army win, or losing those precious seconds of your life
that it would take you to explain what really happened
when there is simply... no right answer. But today, I'm going to
take you into the dragon's den and explain the sort of thing that
goes on at the dinner table.
Let's
say it's been a tough day and you decide that you're going to make
hamburgers for your kids as a bit of a treat. You cook them on the
grill and when they are almost finished, you put a slice of cheese on
all of them but two. When you present these all done up with lettuce
and ketchup on the table, each kid takes one. One of the kids who
hates cheese gets one of the burgers that didn't have cheese and the
other one was accidentally scooped up by a cheese loving child.
Nobody realizes the mix-up until it is too take. There is only one
cheeseless hamburger and it has a bite taken out of it. The child
who wants that cheeseless burger is on the verge of losing his
fricken mind and sadly, you only have one burger for each person at the
table.
To
solve this, maybe you could scrape the cheese off the burger this kid
was given. Maybe they'll take it, or maybe they won't because they
think they can still taste the cheese. Maybe you could get all
industrious and fry up another patty. Maybe the kid will cry for an
hour no matter what you do. Or maybe, just maybe, you could take
that imperfect cheeseless hamburger, put it on the kid's plate, smile and say,
“It's shaped like it
has a bite taken out of it!”
What
if, miraculously, that kid
smiles, laughs, and eats that hamburger despite the mistake? That,
my friends, is what I mean by AWESOME. The kid doesn't cry and I
don't get an earache while I remake dinner. That is what dreams are
made out of.
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