Taylor Swift and Me

So Taylor Swift invited me to her mansion in Rhode Island this past weekend. She thought that I would be the perfect person to interview her about her scandals and blossoming romance with Tom Hiddleston. I asked her the perfect questions. She was gracious, ladylike in 50s fashion, while still obviously a fiery feminist full of spunk. Though I admit to being a bit bias. After all, she thought I would be the perfect person to capture her feelings during this tumultuous time in her career and love life. Why did she think this? Obviously because she's never heard of me.

Okay, none of that happened. What really happened was I read a news piece on how the new song by Calvin Harris This is What You Came For was actually written by Taylor Swift. So, I am not a Taylor Swift fan in that I mostly listen to music with no lyrics and can only recognize maybe half a dozen of her songs. But I was curious about that song, so I listened to it deliberately. As an author, I gotta say, it's not even a little bit confusing why she gave that one away and did not perform it herself. It's only half a song. Taylor's few songs that I know of are extraordinarily rich in lyrics. Though I will not admit to liking or disliking them. All I'm saying is that they paint a bigger picture than This is What You Came For which is quite empty in what it makes the mind conjure.

As a consequence of my reading this one article, my news feed exploded in news items about Taylor. Taylor and Calvin, Taylor and Kanye, Taylor and Kim, Taylor and Tom, Taylor and each member of her squad (unfortunately, that is not what you call a group of squid). Holy bananas on toast! I also read a piece I found very interesting on elder abuse, but my news feed didn't give me any other stories on that—just Taylor.

It's exhausting to have Google try to figure out my perfect newspaper by what I clicked on. Sometimes what I click on isn't what I find interesting in a good way. Sometimes I click on things I'm not excited about, but instead morbidly fascinated by. Even though I read it once does not mean I want my newspaper to be all about Donald Trump, or the new Ghostbusters movie, or Taylor Swift. It's like when you go somewhere you really didn't want to go and Google keeps on showing you the place on the map asking you if you're interested in commute times. Google has become your annoying kid who follows you around and tells everyone the worst cuss word they ever heard you say.

Anyway, I haven't decided if I'm going to pay money to see the new Ghostbuster movie. I guess it all depends on whether or not Taylor Swift can babysit for me.