He Loves You, He Loves You NOT

I’m sort of on a dating advice kick, so here’s another tidbit for all you married people who have absolutely no use for this advice, but why not? So …

Unfortunately, no matter how aggressive women become in their pursuit of men, they can actually only choose between the men that already like them. Those men – who already like you – can be divided into three categories. I would like to stress strongly that until you know which type he is – refrain from getting emotionally attached to him. Trust me; it’s the wisest thing to do.

Type One – He Likes You

This guy takes you on dates once in a while. Likewise, he phones, emails or texts you and he definitely obeys the ‘three day’ rule (doesn’t call for three days after a date). He may even be your boyfriend, but he definitely has a life outside you. And the truth is – he likes you. If he didn’t like you, he wouldn’t take you out at all. However, he isn’t going to be a heartbroken mess if you find another boyfriend. Why? Because ‘he’s not that into you’ (I know it’s cliché, but so expressive). So, you should be happy. He likes you. But you should definitely not fall in love with him, because that would represent a long and painful road and you’ll probably never get to the Emerald City. So take your Valentine and go home.

Type Three – He Loves Himself

I know I skipped type two, but it’s for the greater good. Type three guy phones all the time, he’s practically banging down your door and you’re about to order a shirt that warns everyone to respect your invisible bubble. Seriously, he’s so attracted to you that you’ve nick named him ‘the octopus man’ in your head. This guy does not love you. I know he gives off all the signs – he’s abandoned his friends – he has no life outside you and fifty other symptoms that lead you to believe that he’s the opposite of type one guy. However, if you start telling him how uncomfortable you are with all the constant touching/kissing/whatever he’s going to start acting like a snot-nosed kid who’s just had his lollipop taken away. Why? Because he’s not with you for any other reason than the physical perk of being lovey-dovey with you. If he won’t give you space without becoming your child rather than your man – he doesn’t respect you, love you, or whatever. He loves himself.

Type Two – He Loves You

This guy is the perfect balance between type one and type three. He gives you the first cut of his time, doesn’t wait three days to call (because he can’t restrain himself), yet he will also respect your wishes enough to leave you all by yourself on the other end of the couch if that’s what you want. See? Perfect.