Norse Gods Must be Easy

A few weeks ago Thor came out on Canadian Netflix and I watched it.

I gotta say – Norse gods looks super easy. Seriously, slap on a pair of false eyelashes and BOOM you got yourself a man of metal with a classy English accent and a road to the Heavens who knows how to keep his hands to himself until you give him the go-ahead. It’s so different with Greek gods. With them, it’s more like you’re on a mountainside playing with sheep. You harmlessly sit on a back of one and BOOM you’ve been placed on a secluded island and forced to bare at least four children to a god when you thought he was a sheep.

For a Norse god you can even fall prey to degrading female stereotypes about girls being poor drivers and hit him with your enormous van a couple times and the guy doesn’t even bat an eyelash. Well, just wait Thor II hasn’t come out yet. She’s probably going to need that huge van for all the baby seats.

Okay – jokes aside. I can’t get Thor out of my head. I have never read a Marvel comic in my life, but that doesn’t stop me from remembering the Norse mythology I’ve read. And from what I’ve read, I’m like WTFudgecycle. It’s a pretty sad day when the stories that are so old they are having trouble dating them are more amusing than a movie with a hundred million dollar budget. Couldn’t they afford writers?

I couldn’t care less about how Thor and Odin were portrayed; it was Loki that ticked me off. If I were to compare his character from mythology to a comic book bad guy, it would be the Joker. Loki is not always dark and sadistic, although sometimes he is. A lot of the time he’s charismatic and just messing with people for the fun of it and his jokes are harmless. The way he was made into this dark pathetic younger brother eating his heart out for jealousy was a total rip off. Loki can transform into anything and is just as much man as Thor – not beneath him in any way or trying to outdo him.

However, it is true that Loki is going to be the beginning of the end of the world – Ragnarok. Actually, Ragnarok begins with his fight with the guardian of the gate. I was shaking in my seat when I saw they were going to fight, but the audience didn’t know there was anything significant about that fight and all that happens is Loki freezes him and walks by.

I hate Marvel.

Not to mention, I think the man eye-candy is going to be better in The Hobbit. And that’s about a bunch of old dwarves wandering around in the woods.