The Joke that Keeps on Giving

I did not make up this joke.

A guy walks up to a boloney sandwich truck and says, “I'd like to order a boloney sandwich shaped like it's got a bite taken out of it.”

The vendor says, “Yeah, shaped like it's got a bite taken out of it.” Wink. Wink.

“That's what I said, shaped like it's got a bite taken out of it.”

“Right, shaped like it's got a bite taken out of it.” Wink. Wink.

It goes on like that. I told this joke to my kids a few times and probably even showed them the cartoon somewhere on homestarrunner.com, and then one day it stopped being stupid for the sake of stupid and started being AWESOME.

Sometimes when you're a mom, things happen at the dinner table... unspeakable things. Things no one wants to know. Things you wouldn't rehearse to another human being simply because reliving the horror would be like letting your tiny army win, or losing those precious seconds of your life that it would take you to explain what really happened when there is simply... no right answer. But today, I'm going to take you into the dragon's den and explain the sort of thing that goes on at the dinner table.

Let's say it's been a tough day and you decide that you're going to make hamburgers for your kids as a bit of a treat. You cook them on the grill and when they are almost finished, you put a slice of cheese on all of them but two. When you present these all done up with lettuce and ketchup on the table, each kid takes one. One of the kids who hates cheese gets one of the burgers that didn't have cheese and the other one was accidentally scooped up by a cheese loving child. Nobody realizes the mix-up until it is too take. There is only one cheeseless hamburger and it has a bite taken out of it. The child who wants that cheeseless burger is on the verge of losing his fricken mind and sadly, you only have one burger for each person at the table.

To solve this, maybe you could scrape the cheese off the burger this kid was given. Maybe they'll take it, or maybe they won't because they think they can still taste the cheese. Maybe you could get all industrious and fry up another patty. Maybe the kid will cry for an hour no matter what you do. Or maybe, just maybe, you could take that imperfect cheeseless hamburger, put it on the kid's plate, smile and say, “It's shaped like it has a bite taken out of it!”

What if, miraculously, that kid smiles, laughs, and eats that hamburger despite the mistake? That, my friends, is what I mean by AWESOME. The kid doesn't cry and I don't get an earache while I remake dinner. That is what dreams are made out of.