Pick Two Out of Three

Ever have a meltdown day?  I know all the girls in the audience are raising their hands.  Today was a meltdown, breakdown, simmer down, kind of day.  And I realized something important about myself.  I can only have two out of three.

I can’t have a sparkling house, well behaved children and look like a goddess all at the same time.  Okay, I know, I always look like a goddess.  The difference is whether or not I’m a goddess with eyeliner and smooth hair or a goddess with crumpled hair and sweat pants.  Usually when I’m at home I let myself look a little on the rumpled side.  What?  No one is around and sheesh … what are you looking at?  I look fine.  The problem is I do not look fine enough to be photographed.  When I do get my yearly shot taken, it’s at a studio where I can easily sacrifice my housekeeping because the picture isn’t being taken there.  See the tradeoff?  So, for that occasion I have well behaved kids, I look great, and my living room looks like it was visited by the angel of destruction.  I do this every Sunday for church.  Anyone want to know why I don’t invite people over for dinner on Sunday?  Now you do.

Then, when I have a party at my house, I sacrifice the good behavior of my children.  I can’t possibly organize everything I have to for a successful event without letting my kids run a little wild.  And don’t forget rule number one (I bet you didn’t even know there was a rule number one).  When someone calls and says they’re coming over to your house with very little notice and your first inclination is to tear around your house cleaning like a maniac – refrain – go clean up yourself first.  You’re the first thing they see when they come into your house.  

But today, I needed to have all three even if it was just for an hour.  It nearly broke me and I had to cancel my big plans because it’s totally impossible.  There was screaming in my house like the apes in 2001: A Space Odyssey. Luckily, no one started murdering the pig/elephants with sharp bones.  And me?  Sheesh, I looked like one of the pig/elephants.  And yeah, the house wasn’t particularly tidy.  I have people who like to touch windows and crunch crackers over the living room rug.

So, now I’m back at base trying to recover my losses and revise my battle plan.  Can I make myself pretty the night before?  And sleep on my hair?  Are you barking mad?  Can I clean my house the night before?  That seems a little more probable, but do you remember the angel of destruction that I mentioned earlier?  Well, there’s more than one and they’re invariably connected to my children and their behavior.  They get up early.