Hypothetical situation: my kid is going to a birthday party, and I have to buy a fetching card to go with the gift. Why? Because I know that when the birthday boy starts opening his presents, his mom is going to say, “Open the card first” and if I don’t include a card, the kid and his mom are not going to know who it came from even if there is a tag on the gift bag. So, I’ll have to holler at the top of my lungs (if you’re wondering why I have to yell then you clearly have not gone to enough kids’ birthday parties – it’s the same reason why they don’t notice the tag on the bag). And let them all know that present’s from my kid. It’s like you’re in the emergency room and you’ve been waiting forever, so when they finally call for you, you jump to your feet like a trapeze artist even though you’ve broken your ankle on one side and your femur on the other side.
Call me The Birthday Grinch if you like, but I have a hard time buying cards for children’s parties. Why? Well, it’s partly because 90% of the time, I have never even heard of this kid until my kid gets an invitation to his party. And it’s partly because I know that the kid doesn’t give a rip about the quirky line ‘I wish you a hoppy birthday’ or even the cuter-than-cute frog on the front. Actually, he’s young enough that he probably doesn’t even care who brought him the present. He just wants to disembowel it (I just always wanted to say that).
There’s another reason too, and this is what really makes me The Birthday Grinch. My brain has always had accounting software installed in it and I can’t look at any transaction of assets without deciding whether or not the transaction was good for me, good for them, good for both of us, or a loss for both of us. So, that means that I’m placing the cost of having my kid at their party versus how much I spent on a gift. Personally, I think it should work out that the gift I brought should be worth more than what they spent on my kid at the party. But I also work on a budget and if someone spends a ridiculous amount of their kid’s party then that’s their business. What I don’t like is that I have to trim what I spend on the birthday boy’s present to allow for a card – which no one even cares about.
But then, you should see me hosting my kid’s party and watch me hover over my kid when it’s time to open the presents. “Open the card first!” WHAT!?! I’ve got to do something to teach my kid to stall their greed and show appreciation. Stupid world.