So, I met the King of the Babies. I’ll bet you’re wondering who he is. Well, let me tell you about him.
First of all, everything he says is inaudible. It’s like when a doctor is writing a prescription and their handwriting is illegible. The pharmacist inevitably has to call the doctor’s office for confirmation, but the line is busy and it’s never free, so they guesstimate. It’s like that. You can’t understand anything he says, so you guess. If you get it wrong, his face will curl up and he’ll cry. And for non-tyrannical reasons, you’ll be sorry you made him cry.
Next, the King of the Babies finds everything amusing. You can tell him that he’s about to get a shot in the leg for various diseases. You can even list them and tell him the symptoms of each, but he’ll just smile at you and blink cutely. You can even go further than that and tell him about the car crash you just passed and the reason why they are cleaning off the street, but no matter what horrible thing you tell him you cannot disturb his tranquility. He’s like the Buddha.
The King of Babies is also waited on hand and foot. He has someone to bathe him, dress him, feed him, and play with his feet (when he’s too tired to reach them). This may make him sound like a demanding master, but that’s far from the reality. He doesn’t need a helicopter to fly him out to a hotel resort to have a good time. As stated before, he is quite content to play with his own hands or feet, without bothering anyone. He doesn’t even need movie tickets.
It goes without saying that the King of Babies is very popular among his subjects. Who are his subjects? Why, anyone he meets. He’s soft and warm and draws a crowd. They don’t kiss his ring (that would be a choking hazard), but they kiss the top of his fuzzy warm head. And people never say a word against him because he is completely bald.
Like most people, the King of Babies likes to travel; but, unlike most people he doesn’t care if he gets anywhere. He is totally comfortable going in circles around a single room, where there isn’t much to see. He also likes riding in a car even though his car seat is rear facing allowing him only to see the back of the captain seat his seat is strapped to. He isn’t even allowed a view of the passing scenery, as his seat points him toward the sky rather than the road.