The First Chapter

Contrary to popular belief, the first chapter of a book is the hardest.  It’s amateurs who think it’s the easiest.  Here’s why:

You get an idea.  You sit down and start writing.  The work is brisk because you’ve got a lot on your mind.  A day or two later, you have a first chapter that looks good enough to eat.  Then you get all chipper and start on chapter two, chapter three, chapter four, chapter five – you’re in the heat of the day now.  Personally, chapter five doesn’t scare me in the least.  The key is going on and on until you finish.

Then you get back to chapter one and do you know what?  It’s a mess.  It looks like you vomited chop suey on the fun rug at Chunky Cheese.  Nearly every sentence needs dissecting.  Do you know why?  Because when you started out with your original premise, you thought you had what you were doing nailed.  You didn’t.  You are so much wiser about your plot by this point, so you see how many changes you need to make to make the thing flow as a whole the way it is supposed to.

You can say, ‘that’s poor planning’ if you want to criticize me, but I’ll just retaliate by saying that you’re an amateur.  An artist who doesn’t let their work grow organically (without their stamp of approval) is going to get bored writing their book awfully quickly.  You have to let your book do what it wants to a certain degree.  It could be that your subconscious is driving at something your fingers didn’t exactly know about.  To force it back down is the same as swallowing throw-up (later I’ll write about how writing is exactly like trimming a tree, which is absolutely nothing like throwing up … just warning you).

So chapter one is going to get hacked apart and sewn back together like Frankenstein’s monster until you are so tired of your opening line you could just die.  But that means you’re doing it right.

The thing that makes ripping apart the first chapter so hard is that it was the thing that got you started to begin with.  An inexperienced author feels like they’re killing the sweetest part of their inspiration.  An experienced author cuts it without the tiniest fragment of remorse.  They’re playing that game we all learned on Sesame Street – one of these things doesn’t belong.  One of these things isn’t the same.  Really!  Why isn’t there a musical note key on the keyboard instead of the letter C?  We don’t really need the C as much as we need to have a piece of punctuation that indicates loud, obnoxious singing.  I do that as much as I talk.

In summation – chapter one is a worm ridden corpse that the author must somehow turn into a glittering 15 second commercial for the book or no one will read it.

Here's a link to read my novel Rose Red for free https://www.fictionpress.com/story/story_preview.php?storyid=3151941&chapter=1

Pinata

I made this piñata.  It is supposed to be a spider, but I wussed out and only gave him six legs instead of eight.  This is actually my second try at making a piñata.  The first one was a dinosaur made mostly of cardboard and those streamers everyone buys for special occasions and have no idea how to use.  This guy is a Paper Mache covered balloon at his core.

What do you get when you mix together a rat’s nest and a pancake?  That’s right.  Paper Mache.  To make the glue for Paper Mache, you mix equal parts water and flour until it looks like a pancake.  I blew up a balloon and starting dousing the strips of flyers in the mixture.  The first layer was fun, but if you don’t let it dry completely apparently it will get mold in it, so I let it dry.  I did four layers.  By the end, I was picking little painful wads of flour-water off my arms and wondering if it would really work.  It smelled like play dough.

Next, I cut up about a million squares of tissue paper and wadding them up on the end of a pencil, I glued the middle to achieve the ‘puffy look.’  That was a lot more work than I expected.  I’m not going to lie.  I won’t be doing that again. 

The eyes and the legs are exactly what they look like. 

The real challenge was securing it with the rope.  I carved holes in the Paper Mache with a knife, but it broke off the chain a few times, so even though this guy looks somewhat adorable, he was also a bit of a flop because I had to reattach him to the string twice so that each kid could have one turn.  Luckily, there were a few kids there (over 10) so it wasn’t like it died after the second kid.

I think the key is building your piñatas skeleton out of cardboard, then doing a layer of Paper Mache over that (maybe two) and then … I still have to figure out that.  There are so many options for the outside.  I guess it will depend on what creature I want to make.  I’m such a sucker.  If I thought of something else round, I’d probably just go ahead and do another balloon piñata.  I just need to figure out how to make that rope more secure.  Anyone have any age-old piñata wisdom to share?

Rose Red

Today, I’m announcing a re-release of one of my novels.  This one is called Rose Red and it will be going up one chapter at a time (on Thursdays) on fictionpress.com.  The first chapter is already up and here is a link for those of you who like links. http://www.fictionpress.com/s/3151941/1/Rose-Red

You can’t buy a girl!

But in the year 2214, you can.  She can whip you into shape, design a diet for you, help you with your business contacts, be your personal stylist, and turn you from geek to chic in just one year.  After buying a model at Sleeping Beauty Inc. your life will never be the same again. 

At least that’s what they told Harrison Fox, and after a testimonial from a friend, he decides to give it a try.  But what will happen when the model he buys isn’t exactly what he bargained for?

All right, now I’ll give you a description of what fictionpress.com is.  It’s a site where people can put their work up for free to be read and critiqued.  Writers are jealous, stubborn people, so often there are not tons of reviews for stories.  There are many stories that have no reviews because authors are too selfish to review something even if they liked it.  I like putting my work up on this site because it gives me the opportunity to write a novel in a serial, posting one chapter per week.  I work really well under a weekly deadline.  The other thing I like is that fictionpress is a really fast way to find out if your writing is any good.  Your family and friends may rave about your talents, but stuff will only get ton-o-reviews on fictionpress if it is actually interesting and well-put-together.  Beginner writers are often terrified to put their work up for free because they are afraid of being plagiarized.  This makes me giggle.  There are squillions of writers out there.  Just have fun. 

It’s also comfortable for me because I haven’t been criticized for anything worse than making me aware of a typing mistake for years.  I can scarcely even remember the last time I was told I have rotten ideas.  Anyhoo – fictionpress is a site I’d recommend to any aspiring author.  It will certainly take your vanity down a peg and make you try a little harder.

Rose Red is my 17^th novel.  Don’t you ever interrupt me while I’m writing a book!  I may attack you with a potato masher because you caught me writing something creepy.  Not that Rose Red is creepy, but I’m not saying that it isn’t.  It’s fun … meaning there is a little bit of everything.  Please enjoy.

Love Letters of the Angels of Death

As many of you may know, my darling sister-in-law, Jennifer Quist, recently got a novel published.  Love Letters of the Angels of Death is a seriously great title.  Aren't you already sold?  Here's the synopsis:

A breathtaking literary debut, Love Letters of the Angels of Death begins as a young couple discover the remains of his mother in her mobile home. The rest of the family fall back, leaving them to reckon with the messy, unexpected death. By the time the burial is over, they understand this will always be their role: to liaise with death on behalf of people they love. They are living angels of death. All the major events in their lives – births, medical emergencies, a move to a northern boomtown, the theft of a veteran’s headstone – are viewed from this ambivalent angle. In this shadowy place, their lives unfold: fleeting moments, ordinary occasions, yet on the brink of otherworldliness. In spare, heart-stopping prose, the transient joys, fears, hopes and heartbreaks of love, marriage, and parenthood are revealed through the lens of the eternal, unfolding within the course of natural life. This is a novel for everyone who has ever been happily married -- and for everyone who would like to be.

I have only read bits and pieces of this novel.  The style is very whimsical and poetic.  Tonight is her launch party.  She's going to read the first chapter.  As a fellow novelist I'm delighted to offer her my congratulations.

Tissue Paper Flowers

Today I’m going to tell you about a craft project I did lately. 

A long time ago I was given a tall silk plant for my wedding.  It was really nice, until a few years ago, when my kids decided that the leaves made good blankets for tiny Hello Kitties.  Then they showed me their work.  I was like, ‘Great … Let’s turn the tree that way so the bald spot doesn’t show.’  Some of them may have learned the lesson, but others didn’t and last winter, it finally lost too many leaves – even to put in a corner.   Its level of mutilation had reached the level where I believed I had to throw it away.  But, remember my post about the eco-center?  Yeah, I didn’t get around to it. 

Then I got this genius idea to strip all the leaves and branches and to see if I could do anything else with it.  I had this idea in my head that I should take some of the branches I trimmed back off my trees that grow outside and graft them into the existing poles.  Then I could hang origami cranes off it or something light like that.  But I didn’t get that far. 

I was getting ready for a party and making those enormous tissue paper flowers.   One and one just clicked.  Instead of finding some inconvenient place to hang them I should just attach them onto the tops of my dead tree.  This was the end result.

There’s irony in this.  My children couldn’t leave the sturdy silk leaves alone; however, the fragile tissue paper has not been touched.  It’s been weeks since I put it together.  I gave it a life expectancy of about twenty minutes (after the party was over).  It’s still fine.  I put it in my dining room.  It really brightens the place up – like a Dr. Seuss book.  

P.S. Party decoration $2.00.  How sweet is that?

Some of My Favourites

The one benefit of writing online without getting paid is that you’re much more likely to receive fan mail.  I’ve received thousands of fan mail-type messages over the years and some of them have really stuck with me.  I know it’s narcissistic to post them, but if you weren’t expecting narcissism, why did you come to my blog?  I normally keep my blog to 500 words so I won’t be posting entire letters, just bits.  My fans have been so good to me.

“The progression from normality to myth was well-paced and what should have been a labyrinth of a plot became a pleasantly guided tour.” – DerbyGigs for Vampire Kiss on fanfiction.net.

“I really enjoyed reading this amazing trilogy and I must commend you on always having these original, crazy and wild ideas! In my opinion, it's good that you have never fallen into one of those cliché traps. You always maintain the originality and oddness of every story that you write.” – thepinkmartini for Dragon’s Moon, Mystic Wings, and Mark of a Goddess on fanfiction.net.

“I must say, you have such a wonderful, unique way of capturing a scene and giving just enough detail to keep things moving along at a brisk pace. Your grasp of the characters is excellent. Your stories have such an intriguing quality that makes you want to keep reading to find out what happens next. A sprinkle of the bizarre and fascinating. I'm a huge fan!” – Del’Mareve for Whenever You Want on fictionpress.com, fanfiction.net and sparkatale.com.

“I have to hand it to you for having a very unique plot, which is incredibly hard to do. It was a spin on that fairytale I haven't ever seen, and the mix of mad cow disease, slavery, power tools and helicopters was a total riot. Very cohesive, too. You did a great job and I appreciate the hard work you put into it. It's no life changing epic or jewel of character exploration, but it was a solid, entertaining read. Bravo!” – Pia Bartolini for Rose Red: Model 85001 on fanfiction.net.

“I simply adore this story and everything about it. The sheer thought that went into this blows me away. There is not a loose end [out of] place. Every single detail and aspect of this story, whether it be the characters or the plot, has been thought out and planned perfectly. Thanks for a fantastic read.” – CelestialSolitudine for Vampire Kiss on fanfiction.net.

“This story was beautiful. You write with such skill and subtlety - I love how even the seemingly insignificant details, like the trash on the lawn, become important to the development of the story and your characters. You struck the right balance of loneliness and desperation with a sense of hope and happiness toward the end. Congratulations on writing something truly beautiful.” – MartinisMyGoldfish for Blog Entries of the Brokenhearted on fictionpress.com.

Thank you, excellent readers, I actually ran out of room.